Basically the first week of February was a tough week for me due to personal/professional issues that I wish not to disclose (see “Story of My Life”). I could moan and groan about and even mention my personal breakdown, but I will not. Instead, what I will talk about is the power of this challenge.

It would be very easy for me to admit defeat, pack up my metaphorical belongings, and take my metaphorical tail tucked between my legs.

But that is NOT what happened.

Instead, knowing that I vowed to love myself and others unconditionally, I decided to act with love.

It’s harder than you think. There are so many excuses NOT to act with love in our society.

You know what the hardest part of loving myself and loving others is? The ability to admit that we are vulnerable.

There. I said it.

Oh, you would like me to explain? Okay. Well admitting that you need love is making yourself vulnerable. In this society we are all brought up on the ideas of a meritocracy. The idea that we can succeed if we just work hard. This ideology makes us think that we are self-contained entities. We are built on the concepts of individualism. Of self-sustainment.

Where does love come into this picture?

In this goal-driven society, love has no place. Or at least my version of idealized love. I’ve noticed people in this society think love can be BOUGHT. For example,  in this scenario: rich person marries less rich, but more beautiful person. Rich person shows affection through massive buying of presents for beautiful person. Or perhaps beautiful person got beautiful through the “magic” of plastic surgery (breast augmentation, rhinoplasty, etc).

Reality check.

For me, I believe love is best when expressed creatively or thoughtfully. A poem. A letter. Maybe you bought someone flowers or you noticed that he didn’t really like flowers so you made him chocolate chip cookies. A hug. Listening when this person calls.

But I digress. The concept of love has been twisted. In this meritocracy, some may feel that love is another thing that can be achieved or bought. If we work hard enough, we will see results!

From what I’ve noticed love isn’t about results. In fact, it seems the more work we put into it, the more we obsess, the more we try to predict the result of love- we get into trouble.

That’s what I’ve been figuring out with this whole month. Love responds to love. Love doesn’t respond to coercion. It doesn’t respond to force. It doesn’t respond to the idea that “more work equals more love” the way that money or something else tangible would. If you give yourself to someone, you don’t expect something in return.

The mere act of love is revolutionary. It is revolutionary because it’s a statement to our results driven society that we don’t need results. Love transforms the giver. Because love is given without expectation. Just loving someone turns the meritocracy ideology on its access.

Love is as hard to hold in your hands as sand. It’s as tempermental as San Francisco’s weather. But what you can count on in love is the fact that you loved.

And that makes you vulnerable. Because you have to acknowledge that love involves other people. That you need other people. That you’re not an island. Maybe you’re a peninsula or connected by an isthmus. But you still need others. And you can’t buy them either.

This needs an especially strong love for oneself. Because love can be rejected. Taken for granted. Unnoticed. Twisted. Such a vicious trick love plays! You can’t love others without loving yourself. Yet it is the love that we get that helps us to love others. No, it’s not a trick. It is what is necessary. Human beings are social creatures.

But it doesn’t matter what happens after we love. I repeat: love transforms. It is revolutionary.  That’s what I think people need to focus on. Not the results, but the fact that we can love freely. Give our selves to someone else.

We shouldn’t base our happiness on love returning back to us. But the fact that we were brave enough to love unconditionally in the first place. We need love. But we shouldn’t be dependant on someone else giving it to us.

Love is for everyone. But love will return to you in unexpected ways. It is the fact that we don’t expect them, don’t put demands on other people’s love. Because love doesn’t respond to force. Or expectation. That’s when you get into trouble with love.

Anyway, this may be redundant. But when I talk about “love”. I mean it in it’s many forms. Love in friendship. Love in relationships. Love in your family.

—

Write 2 love letters: to yourself and to someone else.

You don’t have to send it. But you do have to write it.

Instructions:

1. Express your love to yourself.

Love yourself! Love yourself passionately. Tell yourself how proud you are. How entranced you are by your own accomplishments, your good looks, your soul. Take time to tell YOU how much YOU LOVE YOU! Write the letter you wished your lover would tell you. Write the letter you wished that cute girl in 9th grade would write you. Whatever.

Only one rule, you are not allowed to second guess yourself. You are not allowed to disparage or make fun or any of those negative things. Be sincere. Be truthful. Love yourself in words.

Too hard? Write a postcard with 5-10 sentences about how much you love yourself. This postcard you MUST send yourself. Yes, other people might read it. Don’t be scared. Show your love to the world!

2. Express your love to someone else.

Write a letter to your mom. Or maybe your dad. Or maybe your sister. Having a fight with someone? Write them a love letter. Write a love letter to a friend you haven’t talked to in awhile. Write a love letter to someone you talk to everyday. Write a love letter to your secret crush. Write a love letter to your partner. Write a love letter to someone who has passed on. Write one to someone alive. Make sure it’s someone you really know. Yes, you can write a love letter to Angelina Jolie, but that doesn’t count. Points to you though.

In this letter: Tell them how much they mean to you. How much you miss them. What you love about them. How they make you feel loved. Whatever you want. But make sure it’s sincere. And honest.

You don’t have to send it. Keep it somewhere safe. Look at it again. You can send it when you’re ready. Or show it to them. Or you can just keep it as a reminder of your love for that person.

But if you did, that would be extra karma points for you. You don’t even have to sign it with your name. Just put the love out there! Mail it to them. Leave it in their lunchbox/purse/briefcase. On their desk.

3. Tell someone about how it made you feel. Journal it. Blog it. Private or public.

I still get wildly enthusiastic about little things…. I play with leaves.  I skip down the street and run against the wind.

~Leo Buscaglia

What did you used to love to do when you were a little kid that you don’t do anymore?

What games did you make up? What hobbies did you have? Did you collect things? Make things with your hands? What places, people, games and little pleasures thrilled you to no end???

Why did you stop?

Reward yourself this week.

Pick one of those things, and do it.

Play!

You have come to this post at this moment by some magic. Something you need, by choice or by faith.

Stop whatever you are doing and do this right now:

List ten changes that you would like to make for yourself — big and small, habits, goals, from cleaning your closet, to calling mom, to going to Iceland. Whatever you have been meaning to do, have dreamed of, or just need right now for yourself. Ten things. Go.

Did you do it? Okay.

Pick one of the small changes and make it your goal for this week.

Now do it. Right now.

(Credit to Julia Cameron’s The Artist’s Way for inspiring this and some of the other exercises that I will post here.)

Swimming through the mud of the day
I work and wait and muck and moot for my life to
fantastically transform into my unknown dream
I’m sure deep deep down I know my life’s purpose–
but every query is yet met with silence
I’d like to shed this murk and fly unencumbered of corporate life

Thus far living has been easy and grand, but I have not thrown in my full potential to a worthy cause. i’m full of the ability to love wildly, but i haven’t yet channeled it for any real good purpose.

A dilettante of desires, i need to start down some path to breathe focus into this damned amorphous cloud of possibility. but maybe i should start small this month and actually accomplish something first. more than anything, i’ve been encumbered by fear–the fear that i won’t be good at what i love, the fear to try and yet fail, the fear that after all this i’m still just a fool.

so for this month, i’ll do something simple. be bold. strike out and fail miserably and grin when the dark earth falls on your face. there is no try. only do!

The only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn, like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars… — jack kerouac

Previous mantra: “Show me love!”

I’m a recent Cal grad struggling with chasm between Berkeley and the
“real world”. It would be nice to live in an ideal world where one
could both love and be loved. But the world knocks us out of our warm
comfy beds and tells us to “get real”.

Reality is
possibilities
pain
treachery
growth
betrayal
change
hope
a journey

My goal is to make the journey of life smoother by living with and giving love.

Unconditionally.

I fear a lot. And one of those ways manifest itself through my
inability to give love to others. I try to be strong which means I
rarely show my vulnerable side. But in protecting myself I
inadvertently shut out others.

This month I’m going to do my best to be good to myself and in others.
Maybe even fuse my love of writing into a way to show people that I
love them.

New Mantra: “Let me show you love!”

http://dgquebada.wordpress.com/

It’s Sunday, February 1st! I came home from work (did I mention it’s Sunday) and ate a quick dinner with family. While I scarfed down my future heartburn, my sister’s favorite TV show screamed it’s moral of the day at me.

“Work vs. friends: what would you choose?” An easy choice, or should be.

A recycled Nickelodeon plotline actually made me ponder my life. I guess that’s why they recycle them. Will I become a woman who dies alone on a mountain- her life’s work admired, but with no one to truly love because she abandoned everyone for the dreams in her heart?

I’m taking the heart first challenge not because I’m lagging on following my dreams. As many come to experience when dealing with “goals”- sometimes the heart wants to be in two places when it can only, theoretically, be in one. I spend 18 hours every day doing what it takes to get to my dream- but I’ve sacrificed time with people I miss dearly.

Hence, I’ll make time for my friends. Also, I’ll try to do this longer than a month. And I’ll try not to be shy about it, because I’m kind of a shy person. Or hopefully they’ll see this and call me.

Remember if you want to take the challenge it is not ever too late to start! Do it now. Tell your friends. Let us grow our community of passionate individuals who dare to live with our hearts first.

View the full challenge call here. To participate send an email to heartfirstchallenge@gmail.com.

“Put your ear down close to your soul and listen hard” – Anne Sexton

I’ve been a musician for as long as I can remember, and it has been through music that I find myself relating to the rest of the world. Lately though, my confidence in creating music has been waning and with it, my faith in communicating honestly with the world.  In this month-long challenge there are a lot of things I’d love to do: write, sing, collage, create.  But mostly, I would love to restore my self-confidence and reclaim my zest for music in all its incarnations: singing, playing, dancing, moving.  Right now it feels like I have lost touch with a very dear friend, so in a way I have to awkwardly start over in building trust in that relationship.  Did I mention I am a perfectionist?  And a procrastinator?  A deadly combo.  I look forward to gently, yet firmly, taking action towards my reunion with
my true mother tongue: music.

“If the noise of the human world overwhelms you,
trace the voicebox of an orchid with your finger.
When you get to the aria, listen.
But beware, for beauty can be a lacewing
or a meteor, and lands wherever it pleases.

When you finish reading a poem,
bend it around so you can see
yourself in it. Then laugh out loud.
Everything else now should come easy.”

From “Beginner’s Lesson” by Malcolm Alexander